Its about making memories worth repressing
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
