He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize