loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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