3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
