Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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