god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
