I'm jealous of your bromance
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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