if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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