Your tits are I can't wait for
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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