I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
