We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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