i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
