Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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