Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no, he came in my armpit
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
