I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think my tv is drunk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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