lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
