I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
