Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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