i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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