She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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