you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
