Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
