also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize