hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nutella sex= disaster
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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