i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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