She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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