I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
