remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
