how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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