i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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