you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize