I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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