we have pet lesbian snakes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
