I hate all girls vehemently.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize