just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
