you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize