Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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