I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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