He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
