Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
