John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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