You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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