I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
