she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
