I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
