its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
