i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
