i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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