When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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