I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
