you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
