fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize