This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't turn off my feet"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
