Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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