dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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