It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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