sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize