Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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