Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
