I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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