covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
