oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
