No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
