areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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