flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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