i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My life is pants optional.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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