He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
