Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
