i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In America we eat man semen.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize