Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
